Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Why so serious?

Hello world. It's been exactly one week since I've posted an entry. I don't know why, but it seems longer to me.

I find that it's almost impossible to separate a writer from their work, I can go through phases where I literally feel like the keyboard is glued to my fingertips, unable to think about anything else, sacrificing time while my physical attributes fight for the best of my attention. Only to get the obligatory shaft for the monetary gain we all pray for, by adding a few more pages to a screenplay or perhaps to the sum of whatever makes you become a better writer. This I enjoy. Sounds agonizing, but I love it.

Of course, there's another side to my scientific paradigm of this awkward discipline, the subject at hand; better known as blogging or keeping up with life.

When it happens; the moment where I feel like drifting off into a harsher reality. A place where opinions are overlooked for a certain "I-don't-know-what" I fall, deep. Into boredom? Social paralysis? A hopeless void? A little bit of this and that? Whatever it is, it's impossible to endure and I feel like fleeing. The over dramatics I refer to, is my morning sun and the evening cool with everything so less then beautiful sandwiched in-between the best parts of my day. I introduce you to my life!

For reasons beyond my control, this season has been throwing curve balls to the plate. And rather then take a seat, I prefer to strike out. Mind you, knowing that I'm going to get another curve ball. Yeah, I know. I'm bad at analogies. To the point, currently; life blows, it's sucking me in and taking me away from my desires. When this happens, time couldn't move any slower and my body likes to oblige. Like I always say, I can go more into specifics but I certainly do not want to be the "Pope of Mope" a-ha, there's a little bit of Victorian literature for ya.

So here's the equation. Good times = happy blogging and a more productive John.
Bad times = a self suffering mope who likes to quote Oscar Wilde. Because we all know..that all art is quite useless! Right? Who can agree? I absolutely don't and I think it's offensive. But then again it's just a quote from a man who never took anything seriously.

Maybe it's a sensory cue that I should take into consideration. At least for the season of "bad pitches".

I've learned that no matter what you do, nothing is going to be as pleasant as it normally seems. You just roll with the punches and hope for something better. Eventually, perpetual motion will chase down your faith in love, success, happiness and religion. Just have to make sure faith is among your strongest attributes. It's hard work but nevertheless rewarding.

I might contradict myself in my rants because regardless of how I feel when I start a complaint, I always revert to my optimistic side to iron things out. It's who I am inside and to think that all this is coming from an uncontrolled anger coming from the pit of my stomach.

Well, in the spirit of spontaneous blogging and seeing that I'm jumping all over the map here. I'm going to freestyle the rest of this entry with thoughts that are currently overflowing from my heart. A few nights ago, I attended my friend's birthday party for two reasons.
  1. I wanted to see my friends.
  2. I promised another friend, I would photograph his band play.
All is well. The night started out fun, as usual. My brother played bartender so needless to say I took advantage of my privileges. Within an hour or so I was feeling great.

I removed my camera from it's case and started snapping candids. It's funner then shit when your drunk, getting people to pose for the birdie. You know it, we all know it.

So, after another hour or so, the camera starts to weigh heavy so I lay it down next to my brother's post, skipping away to an invited game of Beer Pong. Yep, Beer Pong folks!
After my triumphant return, I go to reach for my beloved camera, only to find that it has been stolen! I honestly wish the story of this night ended at that exact moment because the events that unfolded afterwards; only reminds me of everything I've ever tried to forget about my inner-city upbringings. The bad side of humanity.
There was a few people who stood by me and watched the chaos unfold as the majority of the party got caught in an instant frenzy of a who-dunnit case. To those people, I thank you for the sincerity.

To all the people who lead happy lives and have had nothing but joy brought to their moments in between the morning sun and evening cool. Congratulations. Be savory.

To all my people who need to jump all of life's proverbial hurdles just to stay in the race. I applaud you. Embrace the morning sun and the evening's cool. Let it be proof that there is something bigger then you lighting a path.

In conclusion. Yes, I've definitively lost something dear to me. Any chance on getting it back, nope. Life being sucky; check. Crazy family; double check. Dying of boredom; check, check and check. Can I stand the rain, of course. Will I prevail, I fucking hope so. Will I try, without question!!!

Good night and God bless.

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ChristianAlexander said...

Indeed qute the shittiest night for all of us who are close to you. stealing something from you is like stealing from your whole family and your close friends. me mostly because i feel responsible i put it down there and went to tinkle. when i got back all hell unfolded before our eyes. veryvery upsetting. i want to set up a fundraiser dedicated to johns camera. carwash? eheh. i think i can make this happen. make some flyers, get permission from one of the surrounding schools or gas stations. what do you say?

John Darko said...

Thanks bud. But it's not your fault. I wouldn't mind a lil fund raiser, but it's not really about the cash value of the camera that I feel bad about. Just crazy how everyone acted afterwards, ya know. Just glad we made it out safe. See ya soon dude.

Melanie Needham said...

That's horrible!
I know what it's like
to have something so dear
to you taken.
Makes you wonder about
the future of mankind.
It sometimes seems hopeless.
However, life is what we make
I hope you recover your camera.
In any case, keep doing what
you do. Keep on dreaming...it's
a beautiful thing!

John Darko said...

Thank you Melanie for the kind words. Some people see things as they are and ask why. Others dream things that never were and ask why not.

Anonymous said...

This was by farthe deepest post I read in a blog site. Good luck with the rest of your career john,

rosalie said...

..ah.. same issues under creative souls or beings, i'd say..
i either tend to eating organic cookies like a horse to boost the production of my happiness hormones or dream/sleep this period away while being hidden under my coddle ;)

life isn't always the best as you might know- mine neither- not just yet.. but, anyhow, 'i'm happy enough' (..remember the scene in 'transamerica'..?), that's all. not more. not less. dot.

little word of consolation: remember- bad things happen to bad people- u don't have to waste your time while caring 'bout them (..aaargh.. difficult, i know :P )- fate will do for ya ;)

(concerning the parties: i love people-watching for the character studies, the best pics u have save on your mind i'd say :P )