Don't call it a comeback!

Well, well, well...it's been a while! Oh have I missed writing on this thing. As you may or may not know, I have been terribly ill for the past few weeks. It all started with an uncomfortable case of eye strain which led to a routine check up and then soon after: my sudden revelation regarding my health crisis.

I must plead the fifth on the specifics but trust me - I needed a lifestyle change like this country needs a new president. So in my instant quest for better living, I caught the fucking flu! Attributed to the fact that my immune system was at an all time low, I got really sick, uber sick. So, I slept through most of it hoping to resurface with a different outlook, something more positive and upbeat to the tune of a neverending Beatles track. I could see the fake smile now! ~ This is what I thought to myself while I lay covered in cat fur, tisues and day old hate.

Sometimes when your facing immenant suckiness, it's best to focus on the good things in life. Life is crazy but it is good. Music is good, laughter is good, ice cream is good, love is good, the beach is good, her smile is good, family is good, soup is good, faith is good, and writing for a living is good. Feel free to elaborate my friends. I am back but then again I never left!

Will see you very soon, with more updates then ever! Thanks for keeping up with "Life and Times in Hollyweird" ---

Yours Truly:
John Darko

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from a friend: The Slackmistress

Ask What You Can Do For Your Slackmistress...

[copied from my personal email]

Hey Everyone!

So petfinder.com, where we list our Bill Foundation dogs, is running a contest with The Animal Rescue Site. Every click donates money to an animal in need, but now they're giving away $100,000 in grants to Rescue Organizations, and we'd love Bill Foundation to be one of them. Here's all you need to do:

1. Go to The Animal Rescue Site.

2. Click on "Click to Give" (it's a big purple box)

3. That will take you to the next page. SCROLL DOWN and at the bottom is an ad for the Petfinder challenge.

4. Click on the ad.

5. This will take you to the NEXT page 0 and here's the important part - VOTE FOR BILL FOUNDATION. Just enter Bill Foundation and set the state to CA and click SEARCH.

6. This will bring up Bill Foundation. Just click VOTE and you're done.

The contest is simple: you can vote ONCE A DAY (from EACH computer, from EACH browser, so do it from home and from work!)

As you know, the current state of the economy has been tough on us all, and it's not just affecting people. Animals are being abandoned and turned in at shelters because people are losing their homes and their jobs. We're at capacity, and our vet bills are rising. However, this is a simple way to help the dogs that costs nothing but a few moments of your time.

The contest runs until December 15th. So make The Animal Rescue Site part of your daily routine. I'll send out email reminders, but I know that you all have address books and MySpaces and Facebooks and blogs of your own. Please spread the word among your family and friends.

Information, buttons for your sites and your blogs, ready-made press releases can be found here.

Please please please, pass this along. And vote daily.

Sleeping Through Sickness

Hey everyone, sorry for the lack of updates. I've been under the weather and have been dealing with some minor medical issues, but I am recovering from this mini crisis, so I will be back within a day or two. We've got a lot to talk about! Until then you can have a look at my recommended reading list or you can hit a subscribe button, leave a comment or write an e-mail. I'm a sucka for computer love...lol.

Loneliness: The Not So Silent Killer "Confessions of a Writer"

Hey everybody,

Tonight, I'm going to express my feelings on a particular subject I was hoping would vanish with time. As a matter of fact, I've been thinking of posting my thoughts on this personal issue for quite some time now. But I hesitated. I guess I didn't feel like throwing stones at myself.

Then I thought about it and came to the quick conclusion that: this is my blog - my journal - a diary if you will - my intentions were to expose myself to whoever was interested and more importantly, I needed a creative outlet between my film projects and everything else I was doing in the professional world. Essentially, blogging is a form of therapy. I enjoy writing and lately I've come to embrace it more then I expected to. Of course this is accredit to anyone who has left a positive comment or sent out a friendly e-mail.

What might appear to be an effortless gesture has suddenly became tiny accolades in a sea of uncertainty, in which I'm referring to my becoming of a successful writer/film-maker.

All in all, you guys rock. This is me being real, I'm not trying to patronize any of you. To know that there are some people who actually appreciate your work, whether it be a few to a few hundred...is such a comforting notion!


So now that we got that out of the way. I'd like to comment on something you don't normally see writers talk about. Which is the depression, all of us face (at one point or another) when we're alone, in that dark room focusing on the computer screen, typing away into the wee hours of the night. It happens all the time and it comes in waves. For example: when I wrote the first draft for "Damaged People" a script on which I had no experience on. I locked myself away for an entire month, only surfacing for food and water. Talk about extreme measures, yet the funny thing was...there was no deadline, no studio or producer waiting for a copy, not one person waiting to read what I have just accomplished.

In all honesty, I could have cared less. I felt like I was doing something special, not so much for the project but for myself...and as the last page fell out of my printer, I felt like "Wow, this is the real deal. I just wrote a ****ing screenplay."

After a week or so of some much needed R&R, I felt sullenly aloof to my personal life. There was a disconnection that happened when I was immersed in crafting the script. You can't pin-point the moment of incident, but you can definitely feel it, gradually making us weary. This especially goes for writers who race to meet deadlines. I mean, you get out of it, eventually. That's what friends are for - same goes for family, spouses, boyfriends/girlfriends and little pets that fit the palm of your hand...lol.

The reason I speak about these things; is because I feel like there are hard truths that may seem daunting to confront, but need the attention of the unsuspecting.

Unfortunately at the moment, I'm riding a wave of loneliness that has resulted into a hint of depression and anxiety. As we speak, I'm waiting for the green light on a current project of mine, in which I spent the last few months re-developing.

I feel like I'm desperately chasing cars and because of my inability to nurture a relationship, I feel like I'm going at it alone.

It's hard for me to articulate my feelings and as I said before, everyone looks out a different window, so my experiences are nothing but subjective thoughts against the narrative of a million voices. But I'm vocal so therefore I am...if that makes sense.


About a week ago, I finished watching all the episodes of "The Office" and as I played the season 4 finale, I felt sad...not necessarily because I had ran out of episodes but mainly because I had nobody to share the moment with. I had been too wrapped up in my work, that I completely forgot about my personal life. During the next few days, I was sort of depressed, moping around in my pajamas and sh** I needed a fast kick in the arse. I've been trying some meditation techniques, it helps but still I need a break. Maybe I'll go out and meet someone - or - maybe you can just hook me up with a friend? Doesn't have to be the prettiest girl, just as long as she's semi interesting. I'm joking, just joking.

So yeah, that's it...people get depressed, it's part of life. But, I wanna let you know that writers and in particular - commissioned writers with deadlines - fall into depression quicker then others because of the techniques we utilize to craft our so-called masterpiece. Also, it is my personal and humble opinion that writers are also some of the most under appreciated talents in the industry.

In conclusion, I write because I love to do it. Even more so now that I have found somewhat of an audience. This is not a complaint, or me whining about the obvious, consider it more of a chronicling of the unsaid. These were my intentions. Thank you for reading.

UPDATE 08/30/08: Before commenting or expressing your thoughts on the matter, please understand that sometimes writers can be self-obsessive which is a fault to the many attributes of this profession. I failed to mention the sudden shifts we can go through when exiting a crazy work environment. For instance it's been a week and change since I wrote this piece and now I feel completely different. I took a break and as expected, I'm much more relaxed. Still no cure for my relationship blues but that is irrelevant to what I do professionally. I would like to thank all of you for sending me e-mails and leaving comments, expressing your personal views on the matter. As I said, we are all different in how we handle depression. Some are quicker to realize that our troubles might be minuscule in a grander scheme or some might take depression and loneliness in a whole different manner due to what might be a situation in need of dire recovery. Just stating the obvious. In all actuality, I'm a rather happy individual who thrives on helping others. No shit, lol. If you read the article again, you'll notice that I'm also trying to express my love in regards to my profession and not so much to thrash it. So, it's not all mope and sadness. I just wanted to post (in real time) my thoughts on how I felt at that particular moment, after all this is the forum to do so. Again thanks for the feedback. We're keeping it interesting here. In a second conclusion...I say, people are complex and that is all.



Tags:industry, depression, loneliness, confessions of a writer, general, film, personal, movies, john darko

Why so serious?

Hello world. It's been exactly one week since I've posted an entry. I don't know why, but it seems longer to me.

I find that it's almost impossible to separate a writer from their work, I can go through phases where I literally feel like the keyboard is glued to my fingertips, unable to think about anything else, sacrificing time while my physical attributes fight for the best of my attention. Only to get the obligatory shaft for the monetary gain we all pray for, by adding a few more pages to a screenplay or perhaps to the sum of whatever makes you become a better writer. This I enjoy. Sounds agonizing, but I love it.

Of course, there's another side to my scientific paradigm of this awkward discipline, the subject at hand; better known as blogging or keeping up with life.

When it happens; the moment where I feel like drifting off into a harsher reality. A place where opinions are overlooked for a certain "I-don't-know-what" I fall, deep. Into boredom? Social paralysis? A hopeless void? A little bit of this and that? Whatever it is, it's impossible to endure and I feel like fleeing. The over dramatics I refer to, is my morning sun and the evening cool with everything so less then beautiful sandwiched in-between the best parts of my day. I introduce you to my life!

For reasons beyond my control, this season has been throwing curve balls to the plate. And rather then take a seat, I prefer to strike out. Mind you, knowing that I'm going to get another curve ball. Yeah, I know. I'm bad at analogies. To the point, currently; life blows, it's sucking me in and taking me away from my desires. When this happens, time couldn't move any slower and my body likes to oblige. Like I always say, I can go more into specifics but I certainly do not want to be the "Pope of Mope" a-ha, there's a little bit of Victorian literature for ya.

So here's the equation. Good times = happy blogging and a more productive John. Bad times = a self suffering mope who likes to quote Oscar Wilde. Because we all know..that all art is quite useless! Right? Who can agree? I absolutely don't and I think it's offensive. But then again it's just a quote from a man who never took anything seriously.

Maybe it's a sensory cue that I should take into consideration. At least for the season of "bad pitches".

I've learned that no matter what you do, nothing is going to be as pleasant as it normally seems. You just roll with the punches and hope for something better. Eventually, perpetual motion will chase down your faith in love, success, happiness and religion. Just have to make sure faith is among your strongest attributes. It's hard work but nevertheless rewarding.

I might contradict myself in my rants because regardless of how I feel when I start a complaint, I always revert to my optimistic side to iron things out. It's who I am inside and to think that all this is coming from an uncontrolled anger coming from the pit of my stomach.

Well, in the spirit of spontaneous blogging and seeing that I'm jumping all over the map here. I'm going to freestyle the rest of this entry with thoughts that are currently overflowing from my heart. A few nights ago, I attended my friend's birthday party for two reasons.

1. I wanted to see my friends.
   
2. I promised another friend, I would photograph his band play.
   

All is well. The night started out fun, as usual. My brother played bartender so needless to say I took advantage of my privileges. Within an hour or so I was feeling great.

I removed my camera from it's case and started snapping candids. It's funner then shit when your drunk, getting people to pose for the birdie. You know it, we all know it.

So, after another hour or so, the camera starts to weigh heavy so I lay it down next to my brother's post, skipping away to an invited game of Beer Pong. Yep, Beer Pong folks!

After my triumphant return, I go to reach for my beloved camera, only to find that it has been stolen! I honestly wish the story of this night ended at that exact moment because the events that unfolded afterwards; only reminds me of everything I've ever tried to forget about my inner-city upbringings. The bad side of humanity.

There was a few people who stood by me and watched the chaos unfold as the majority of the party got caught in an instant frenzy of a who-dunnit case. To those people, I thank you for the sincerity.

To all the people who lead happy lives and have had nothing but joy brought to their moments in between the morning sun and evening cool. Congratulations. Be savory.

To all my people who need to jump all of life's proverbial hurdles just to stay in the race. I applaud you. Embrace the morning sun and the evening's cool. Let it be proof that there is something bigger then you lighting a path.

In conclusion. Yes, I've definitively lost something dear to me. Any chance on getting it back, nope. Life being sucky; check. Crazy family; double check. Dying of boredom; check, check and check. Can I stand the rain, of course. Will I prevail, I fucking hope so. Will I try, without question!!!

Good night and God bless.

Tags:beer pong, theft, stolen, optimism, oscar wilde, quotes, party, weekend, lessons, john darko

"FlickrMania" Part Duex

As promised...here's a handful of photos from various film sets I worked on or directed in 2007. These are just a few of many, you can see more in my Flickr set "On Set Stuff" by clicking here.

Apologies for the lack of captions, I think the pictures speak for themselves. Although I will provide a quick zinger for the first photo...if you look closely, you can see a loaded gun on top of the table. Just know, if I ever call you into my office...there might be trouble. Lol, just kidding. I'm harmless plus it's fake...or is it?

So only a few more days till "The Dark Knight" anyone excited? AND where are you seeing it? Hopefully in IMAX and in Hollywood so you can say hi when ya see me pass by.























More updates coming tomorrow. Hopefully I'll have something important to talk about. Also if you have the time check out some of the noteworthy blogs listed to the left in my blogroll.

Tags:behind the scenes, dark knight, darko, flickr, friends, hollyweird, hollywood, john darko, life times in hollyweird, personal, photography, random, update

Drunken Memories

Last night I had an interesting visit from a familiar face. It was two o'clock in the morning and I was having an interesting conversion with a shark when I heard a light knocking at my door. Suddenly I was whisked away from the beach side cafe I frequent in my dreams, where animals and sea creatures play chess for golden doubloons and was quickly taken back to that harsh reality we've all grown accustomed to, better known as life. Apologies for the pessimistic zinger, it's late and I'm hungry.

Anyhow...slowly the face emerges from the dark hallway, the first thing I see, a set of red eyes complete with droopy eyelids. Fantastic! It's my old school buddy, Manuel. A little insight if I may. Manuel and I met in the sixth grade and have stayed in contact ever since. If there ever was a guy who has always been there, metaphorically speaking; standing on top of something high to keep a look out, it has to be this dude. Hope that made sense.

So, we're walking outside for a quick smoke. I've already noticed his pistol grip on the Tecate tall can and the little shuffles one makes when inebriated. Mind you, I'm already smiling on the inside because this is the Manuel I've grown accustomed to love. I couldn't count the times, I've experienced the same late night occurrence. All is well.

So I'm puffing away sharing a cigarette with my bud, when all of a sudden...he starts to cry. Nothing new. Not a moment goes by when he starts to list off the greatest hits of our collective memory as the local street kings of the city. Figuratively speaking, of course. For two straight hours we reminisced, smoked, reminisced and smoked some more. Mind you, I'm handling this visit as routine as I should. I'm trying not to get too sentimental and quite honest, I'm patiently waiting to go back to sleep. Then it hits me.

You know how all writers say "there's always that one great story inside of you". Well, I think I found mine and it was staring at me, asking for another cigarette.

I like to imagine that I've been around the world and back, when I'm thinking about the very memories that can proof positive make a grown man cry. They are dear to me and maybe one day I'll get to publish it all. That would be a major milestone in my career and I'm looking forward to it.

Manuel is pictured center, knocked out having a good time.

Thank you Manuel for never losing faith in your boy and thanks to the rest of my friends and family who have undoubtedly inspired me to become everything I am today. I will never give up the fight!

Good night world. I'm literally falling asleep as I type now. Thank you for reading...there will be more.

Tags:darko, hollyweird, hollywood, john darko, life, personal, update, friends, memories, drunk, manuel olague,

Family Ties "Chapter 1"

As previously stated, I have been spending more time with my family. Two days ago I picked up my pops and took him to Hollywood, I gave him the tour, re-visited familiar stops and what have you. Mind you, my Dad has a disability due to his former addiction to drugs. Basically, he has a hard time getting around.

I'm not a stranger to disaster, especially of this sort. I'm better from all these experiences, made me into the person I am today.

Ever since I left home for school, life has changed drastically for me. Everything aiming for the better. I had a clear vision of the road ahead of me and I had just gained a new found clarity that helped me grow into a well adjusted person. All was illuminated.

Unfortunately things weren't looking up; back at the old house. To save a long and complex entry I'm gonna try and keep it short. Because not only do I think this would be better transcribed into multiple chapters, but I also do not want to put any of you to sleep. I'm considerate that way.

So, back to the rant. School's over and some time has passed since I've been part of a functional household. Judging from the occasional visit and weekend phone call. I assumed things were just as they always were - chaotic yet controlled. My rational was always to the tune of "Oh, this is nothing. Just give it a few days. Someone will get over it." Boy, was I wrong!

I guess my occasional appearances have morphed into mandatory sit ins where I get to play the moderator! So now I get to wear this **** hat. I guess sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.

Anyhow, so quickly after breaking up an argument involving my pops and multiple parties. I offered him a trip to my apartment. This marking the first time I invited him to my diggs. Like I said, long story. So after a few stops here and there and a bite to eat at Grecco's, I offer to drive him up to my zen spot. A place where I have felt an instant attraction to since my move to Hollyweird. So, we're cruising down Mullholand Drive and without hesitation I bank a hard right into the woodsy area better known as the Hollywood Hills. The place where the rich and famous dwell.

Now I'm pointing at houses, admiring the views. My Dad's doing the same, smiling at my innocence while I childishly name off the celebrities that live in the area. He's laughing and almost snickering at my ambitions to one day purchase homes for everyone. I can't blame him because I don't know how long I have been saying that to everyone. One of my Mom's favorite quotes to me "Son, don't count all your chickens before they hatch!!!"

So we're winding up and down the concrete hills as we get closer to my zen. I turn down a long road taking us behind the Hollywood reservoir, a side of Hollywood that my pops has never seen. A few more turns and we're driving through the Lake Hollywood Estates. I tell my Dad to look up, to see the iconic Hollywood sign in all of it's glory. He flinches and mutters "you can throw a rock and hit it, if you wanted to." I laugh because he always says that.

Now just around the bend is an incline that leads to a separate neighborhood but before it, is a small little turn out that leads to a cliff where you can see the entire reservoir and some of the city, the Hollywood sign is also in full view.

I used to come to this spot when I was feeling stressed, when I felt like too much was sitting on my shoulders I would let go and take in the beauty. I would gaze at the Hollywood sign and think of how many people have sat here, at this very spot where I'm sitting, to do the same exact thing I'm doing. It was sort of my therapy.

So, we park (illegally) and my Dad gets out and walks to the ledge. I follow. He turns to me and says "Did you know I used to take you here when you were just a baby? This exact place used to put you to sleep." I stood there speechless, as I just stumbled upon this great discovery.

The next few minutes, I stood quiet with my Father as we looked out at the reservoir and for what seemed like the first time in a long time, there was peace between us.

Tags:driving, family ties, hollyweird, hollywood, hollywood hills, john darko, my dad, personal, reservoir, update, zen