Upcoming: Exclusive Review of the Film "Choke"

This coming Monday, I will be lucky enough to attend a screening of the latest Chuck Palahniuk (author of Fight Club, Survivor, Invisible Monsters) adapted novel "Choke".

I'm well excited not only to see this film, but to meet writer/director/actor Clark Gregg and actor Sam Rockwell. Sam is a phenomenal talent, you might remember him opposite of Nick Cage in "Matchstick Men" or more recently opposite Brad Pitt in "The Assassination of Jesse James". Both are incredible movies.

Speaking of Mr. Rockwell, I just finished watching "Snow Angels" with my film school buddy Jason Baxter. This is a must see - it just hit the shelves so think about picking it up the next time you're looking for a good dvd to watch. Snow Angels has that sticky effect, it's been a hours since I've seen it, yet I'm still thinking about that ending...wow!

So, that's about it for now. Gonna hit the sack. Will be posting my review of Choke Tuesday morning - so look out for that. Also will be posting The Slackmistress interview pretty soon and a handful of fresh articles about screenwriting and filmmaking, so stay tuned.

Here is the trailer for Choke...courtesy of Fox Searchlight.

Tags:trailers, choke, chuck palahniuk, sam rockwell, clark gregg, movie reviews, upcoming blog, slackmistress, nick cage, matchstick men, assissination of jesse james, brad pitt, film, cinema, reviews, filmmaker, screenwriter, john darko, hollywood, hollyweird

Mini Update and "Disaster Movie" Review: Some Ole Bullsh*t!

So, how was everyone's Labor Day? Hopefully more eventful then mine. Didn't do much, but I guess that's the whole point of Labor Day. Anyhow I ate too much then watched The Dark Knight for the 12th time. I scrapped a bunch of plans because I didn't feel like breaking out the informal swim attire.

Well, it's back to work - gonna sit down and prepare some query letters then prep some future interview material and hopefully come back around tonight with another blog post: "How to Sell a Spec Script" and why now is the time to do so! Good news for the underdog. Stay posted...

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Alright, on to the funniest thing I've seen all day. The wonderful guys at Spill.com have uploaded somewhat of a genius review on the new Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer fiasco "Disaster Movie" you already know what I thought of "Meet The Spartans" so no need for an introduction.

Watch this review...it's funnier then the actual movie.
IMPORTANT: (click on the movies tab in the upper left hand corner and choose Disaster Movie Review)

Favorite quote: "This movie must of been shot in 'shi*-a-scope' with a sh*ty script" All in all "Disaster Movie" is pure bullsh*t.

Tags:spill.com, post labor day, disaster movie, review, spec script, jason friedberg, aaron seltzer, meet the spartans, dark knight

Review: Towelhead is a Brave and Unsettling Film yet Lighthearted and Funny

Towelhead is a brave film; just take a look at the title. There’s no doubt this movie at times, can be uncomfortable to watch but never have I seen characters so multi-layered that from one second to the next, I’ll be laughing out loud then suddenly sitting at the edge of my seat, jarringly shifting in the uncomforting and unsettling nuances of the film’s main story.

Alan Ball (American Beauty) makes his feature-film debut and does a fantastic job crafting life-like characters as it was almost an effortless task while seamlessly perpetuating the plot by navigating through controversial subject matter and comedic prose.

Towelhead opens up on our main character Jasira (Summer Bishil) a 13-year old, half-Lebanese girl living at home with her mother Gail (Maria Bello). Jasira’s mother sends her to live with her father Rifat (Peter Macdissi) because of an unforgettable event that opens the movie, suddenly causing Jasira to deal with her womanhood in an unlikely fashion. Jasira now has to deal with new friends, new neighbors and a new school while battling the unfortunates of puberty. During the course of the film, she meets an ensemble of odd characters. There’s the racist neighbor Mr. Vuoso (Aaron Eckhart) who happens to be an Army reservist waiting for his call to duty as George Bush, Sr. dukes it out with Saddam. There’s the new boyfriend which her too-proud-for-his-own-good father does not approve of because the color of his skin. Then there’s the peace-loving hippies; pregnant Melina (Toni Collette) and Gil (Matt Letscher) who oddly enough seem to actually care about Jasira’s well-being making sure that unsavory characters like Mr. Vuoso don’t take advantage of the young and confused Lolita, Jasira.

At first, what seems like harmless curiosity quickly turns into a sexual obsession. Ball dances on the lines of disturbia exploring sexual themes too explicit for general audiences such as rape and pre-teenage sex, but nevertheless he does so in a manner that doesn’t seem offensive, if that makes any sense. Towelhead is a heavy flick yet light enough to hopefully make people comfortable with the issues it presses. At times the movie demands your attention then shifts into familiar territory by poking fun at its own subject matter rather then to elude the deeper meaning by shying away from the obvious. Alan has done this before with American Beauty.

The performances are stellar, especially Summer Bishil turning in a fantastic debut. Peter Macdissi is a return to form, evoking the mad art teacher he once played in Alan Ball’s Six Feet Under. Eckhart was good as usual, playing the conflicted role. Toni Collette and Matt Letcher share some great scenes as well as Maria Bello and Eugene Jones III who stars as Thomas, Jasira’s new boyfriend.

Quirky, risky, funny, compelling and unsettling are all words that you can use in one sentence when describing this film. I highly recommend Towelhead to anyone looking for something different. Yes, it’s an independent flick but it feels like more, bigger in a sense; in fact this will be Warner Independent’s last release due to the latest restructure at Warners. All in all: great movie, stellar acting, precise directing, beautiful aesthetic and wonderful score (Thomas Newman).

4 out of 5 stars.

JD

Tags:towelhead, alan ball, american beauty, summer bishil, peter macdisi, six feet under, movie reviews, review, film, john darko, true blood, middle eastern, lebanese, techonarati, warner independent, indie

5 of the Worst Movies in Recent Memory

2008 has seen some great films like The Dark Knight and Wall-e but how about those stinkers?

Sometimes, I'll flip over the cover and skim the synopsis; in hopes to see if the story might strike an interest. On stranger afternoon's, I'll stroll in wearing my pajamas, close my eyes and grab a new release...but the majority of the time, I'll just pick up something familiar - or - commercially viable. Because sometimes I just don't have the energy and I know that I can also be overly indecisive.

So, here are five flicks I urge you to stay away from, no matter how shiny that DVD cover may seem to be.

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Doomsday

Director: Neil Marshall Genre: Action/Adventure

Theatrical Release Date: March 14, 2008

Plot: A futuristic action thriller where a team of people work to prevent a disaster threatening the future of the human race.

Now here's a classic case of good director turned bad. Neil Marshall everyone, directed The Descent. Not a great film but it was good for what it was. I enjoyed it and I kind of dug the fact that he used basic scare elements and applied them to a genuinely frightening situation. You didn't really see the creatures in that cave till halfway into the movie; he had us on our toes the whole time. This is what a good suspense/horror flick is meant to do. So, good job Neil!


Needless to say, I was actually expecting good things from his latest effort, Doomsday. But unfortunately folks, this movie blows. I can't even muster up enough words to form a sentence when I'm thinking about how mad I was, when I forced myself to sit through this film. It looked like somebody gave him a ton of cash and said "Hey Neil, go crazy!" and even with all that money, the production value (in all sincerity) still amounted to an epic "made for the sci-fi channel" movie of the week.

My favorite part is when Rhona Mitra's character pops out her bionic eyeball to spy on lurkers from around the corner. Oh, my. So, what is this about? I can't even tell you. I guess there's this pandemic and everybody almost dies and stuff, then skip to the future and like everyone is all crazy and stuff, they like to eat people and kill things with like neon arrows and crazy mo-hawks. Ugh. I'm moving on.

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Alone in the Dark (special edition)

Director: Uwe Boll Genre: Horror/Suspense

Theatrical Release Date: January 28, 2005

Plot: Based on the video game, Alone in the Dark focuses on Edward Carnby, a detective of the paranormal, who slowly unravels a mysterious event with deadly results.

This movie is almost 4 years old now but I don't care, they just put out a special edition with a new glossy cover, like that's going to change anything. Hey, if it's hiding out somewhere on the new release wall then it deserves to be on this list.


Okay, wow...where do I start? This film was directed by the master of disaster, Uwe Boll. Who is famously known for his movie adaptations of some of the worst video games I have ever played. Just run a simple google search and you'll see that there are actual online petitions to stop the distribution of his films. He's even challenged critics to boxing matches. His latest target was Michael Bay. Google it.

Here's one of my favorite review quotes about Alone in the Dark.

The late Gene Siskel once devised a simple method of measuring a film's worth: Is this film more interesting than a documentary of the same actors having lunch? 'Alone in the Dark doesn't come close to matching that standard' says Rossiter Drake of the San Francisco Examiner.

Tara Reid who plays an archaeologist, can't seem to hold her own with the complicated structure of a formatted screenplay. It almost seems as if she's reading off of a set of cue cards and the person who is holding them is actually playing a trick on our beloved party girl by holding them upside down. Christian Slater is just as bad. The effects are cheesy and the story line is not efficient enough to hold your attention. Rather, you will be too busy laughing at the performances to even care.

Ya know what; I recommend you see this movie at least once, it's a riot.

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Shutter

Director: Masayuki Ochiai Genre: Horror/Suspense

Theatrical Release Date: March 21, 2008

Plot: A newly married couple discovers disturbing, ghostly images in photographs they develop after a tragic accident. Fearing the manifestations may be connected; they investigate and learn that some mysteries are better left unsolved.

I was a fan of the original and that's all I'm going to say on the matter. Sad to see it tank here in the states.

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10,000 BC

Director: Roland Emmerich Genre: Action/Adventure

Theatrical Release Date: March 7, 2008

Plot: A prehistoric epic that follows a young mammoth hunter's journey through uncharted territory to secure the future of his tribe.

100 million dollar piece of ***t.

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Meet the Spartans

Director: Jason Friedberg, Aaron Seltzer Genre: Comedy/Spoof

Theatrical Release Date: Jan 25, 2008

Plot: In Sparta when babies where born they would check them for defects. If they had anything wrong with them they would reject it. Huh?

When you're getting made fun of for making fun of someone else, then you know you've done something terribly wrong. The guys who made this film were probably tired of getting their shorts pulled down in phys ed class, so much so, they swore to one day attack the bigger guy, someone or something worthy enough of all their years of pre-pubescent torture. Unfortunately for us, they landed writing gigs in Hollywood.


I like spoof comedies. Take a look at Mel Brooks i.e. Spaceballs, Robin Hood: Men in Tights, Blazing Saddles and Young Frankenstein. How about...This is Spinal Tap or perhaps Airplane? What about Leslie Nielsen and the 100 spoof comedies he's starred in? These are all classic flicks. Hell, even Scary Movie 1 and 2 were funny and commercially successful.

What happened? I mean, it's sad; we are now heavily sedated with these doses of obscure paparazzi centered realty shows, almost to the point of numbness where we can't even distinguish when someone is making fun of us. In Meet the Spartans, we are the ones getting are trousers pulled to the ground and it's not even funny.

Have you guys seen Idiocracy by Mike Judge? (Creator of Office Space, King of the Hill) Go rent it, then re-read this post. That is the closest rendition of what our future might look like if we keep farting around. Hey, Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer! Stop it already; you're not helping the cause.

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RUNNER UP: THE HOTTIE & THE NOTTIE


There you have it. I hope I didn't offend anybody with my opinions. These are only my suggestions. We all look out a different window. Although I'm pretty sure, some of these films are unanimously stinky. What do you think?


Tags:5 worst movies, five bad movies, worst movies of 2008, list of bad films, shutter, 10000 bc, doomsday, meet the spartans, alone in the dark, movie reviews, john darko, this year's worst, dark knight, cinema, film talk, digg or yahoo buzz

Pineapple Express - Movie Review

Hey, hey, hey...back with some more movie reviews. This time around we got Pineapple Express, a movie that I am quite fond of. There are two reviews posted; one from a friend of mine and the other from an expert movie reviewer. You decide who's the expert and well, who's my friend.

- John Darko

Review #1 by Jason Baxter

I was high when I saw it. It made me laugh. Get high before you go see this flick. That's the only recommendation one could make based on this movie. I could describe the plot, characters, and so on, but who cares? I sure don't. Just go see it! It's a very good film, I've seen it twice. Cant wait to get it on DVD. I must admit, I didn't like the third act comprised of action scenes, but oh well I can see why they did it. Just go see go see the ******* thing already. Peace.

EXTRA TIDBIT: MY FAVORITE STONER COMEDY SINCE
THE WICKER MAN

Review #2 by lou.lumenick@nypost.com

FREQUENTLY hilarious, occasionally sweet and often graphically violent, "Pineapple Express" may not be the greatest stoner movie ever made, but it will do perfectly well until we get another hit of Harold and Kumar.

PHOTO GALLERY: Pineapple Express

PHOTO GALLERY: Stoner Movies

Seth Rogen and James Franco have terrific chemistry as, respectively, a semi-straight stoner and the addled drug dealer who finally achieves his goal of becoming the stoner's pal when the two are obliged to go on the run from a band of killers.

Director David Gordon Green, better known for micro-budgeted indie dramas like "All the Real Girls," tries to freshen up the comedic formula by injecting fairly realistic violence. It doesn't always work, but at least this isn't an unfunny mess like "Bad Boys 2."

This is the first movie from the Judd Apatow factory - he produced it and it was written by Rogen and Evan Goldberg, who did the honors for the more consistently hilarious "Superbad" last summer - that doesn't look like a TV show, thanks to Green's gifted longtime cinematographer Tim Orr.

Rogen plays Dale, a slightly more mature version of his slacker character in "Knocked Up."

Dale actually wears a tie and has a job as a process server, though he frequently lights up in his car between assignments and dates a girl (Amber Heard) in high school.

Dale warily keeps his distance from his spacey pot dealer Saul, delightfully played by James Franco without the almost unvarying intensity the actor has affected since he played James Dean on TV.

But Dale makes the mistake of accepting a sample of very rare and ultra-potent weed called "Pineapple Express" from Saul, who observes that smoking it "is like killing a unicorn."

Dale drops the doobie in a panic when he later witnesses a drug mogul (Gary Cole) and a dirty cop (Rosie Perez) murder an assassin sent by rival Chinese dealers.

The rarity of the drug - and Saul's none-too-trustworthy middleman (Danny McBride, who comes close to upstaging the leads ) - lead the mogul's henchmen straight to Dale and Saul.

The movie's recurring theme is that their attempts at flight are, uh, hindered their constant sampling of Pineapple Express.

In one especially funny sequence, our stoned heroes end up having dinner with Dale's girlfriend and her parents as the father (Ed Begley Jr.) pulls out a rifle and the henchmen arrive with somewhat heavier artillery.

Not unlike the buddies in "Midnight Run," the best parts of "Pineapple Express" comically explore the growing relationship between the relatively uptight Dale - and the childlike Saul, who seems largely oblivious to the danger around him.

"Pineapple Express" nearly jumps the shark in a climactic series of shootouts - one character loses part of an ear - in a drug factory, but in the end, the stars' high spirits carry the day.

You may just want to add a star if you're seeing this under the influence.

Tags:pineapple express, movie reviews, john darko, update, seth rogan, james fronaco, jud apatow, david gordon, stoner movie, film, cinema, movie recomendations, pictures, trailer, red band, new york post, news, www.johndarko, rosie perez, funny movie

The Mummy: Tomb of The Dragon Emporer

A friend of mine just posted a movie review for the third installment of the already tired and annoying "Mummy" franchise. I have yet to see the entire movie, but I thought this was funny so...what the hell, why not? Here's something to chuckle at.

photo is dedicated to the slackmistress and willbetheboy

A movie review by Jason Baxter

So here we are nearly approaching the end of the summer movie season. We've had some pretty good movies so far i.e. (The Dark Knight, WALL.E and Iron Man). This third installment in the Mummy series is definitely not one of them. In fact this movie is kind of embarrassing. Easily the worst film this summer since Hancock. I will admit I was a fairly satisfied viewer when it came to the first two, but this one....what the ****

Brendan Fraser is back, Rachel Wiez is not. Instead we get Maria Bello doing a bad impersonation of Rachel Weiz's character from the first two. This time Brendan and Rachel A.K.A. Rick and Evelyn, have a kid. His name is Alex. The actor playing Alex, well lets just say I hope he dies soon. He looked like a cross between Stephen Dorf and John Goodman's ball sack. Their kid is 20 in this thing. How the hell did that happen? The story..well, there's no point in going into detail considering I don't even know what the whole fucking thing is about anyway. In fact there really isn't much of a story. Just a bunch of CGI and really bad one liners.

I will be fair by saying I did appreciate the look of the film. A lot of money went into this puppy and it shows. The production design is top notch. I especially loved the whole look at the beginning during the Chinese New Year, but looks only go so far. The movie becomes a burden halfway in and Brendan Frasier (whom has turned in some really good performances in the past) is just hamming it up. There hasn't been this much hamming since Zack Braff's character from Scrubs.

If you have any desire to go see it, go. Don't let me stop you, but I will be waiting outside of the theater so when you walk out I can say "I told you so." Not really, that would be creepy.

Oh, I almost forgot. Jet Li's character in this is ******* weird. One minute he's Jet Li, the next he's a dragon, then he turns into half cougar half.......sack of pubic hair ****, I don't know. I don't know what to make of this thing. All I know is I didn't like it and I really don't see too many people liking it either, unless you're a 32 year old virgin who lives at home and plays Duck Hunt while masturbating to Jessica Rabbit. I don't even know what that means.

Jason's opinions do not reflect the views of others, primarily the owners of this website. This has been another fantastic update brought to you by www.johndarko.con and Cup of Noodles for keeping this site up and running.

Tags:the mummy, mummy 3, movie reviews, review, guest blog, john darko, film, cinemas, latest, jet li, brendan fraiser, general, life, arts, celebrities, brock vs mummy

Accolades for The Dark Knight - Thus far

Here's something interesting. I was jumping around the blogsphere today and found some enthusiastic reviews from the early press screening of The Dark Knight. Here are what some people had to say.

David Poland: "This is not a Batman movie... this is a 2008 version of The Untouchables with The Batman as Elliot Ness, The Joker as Al Capone, much better toys, and, it seems, a topper."

Peter Travers: "It's enough to watch Bale chillingly render Batman as a lost warrior, evoking Al Pacino in The Godfather II in his delusion and desolation. It's enough to see Ledger conjure up the anarchy of the Sex Pistols and A Clockwork Orange as he creates a Joker for the ages."

Richard Corliss: "In its rethinking and transcending of a schlock source, The Dark Knight is up there with David Cronenberg's 1986 version of The Fly. It turns pulp into dark poetry."

Kevin Smith: "Without giving anything away, this is an epic film (and trust me: based on the sheer size and scope of the visuals and storytelling, that’s not an overstatement). It’s the “Godfather II” of comic book films and three times more earnest than “Batman Begins” (and fuck, was that an earnest film). Easily the most adult comic book film ever made. Heath Ledger didn’t so much give a performance as he disappeared completely into the role; I know I’m not the first to suggest this, but he’ll likely get at least an Oscar nod (if not the win) for Best Supporting Actor. Fucking flick’s nearly three hours long and only leaves you wanting more (in a great way). I can’t imagine anyone being disappointed by it. Nolan and crew have created something close to a masterpiece."


And the award goes to...Kevin Smith! For being the most enthused out of the group. Naturally, seeing the he is the quintessential "fanboy" which is now a word, I suppose. Google it! Lol.

Personally and judging solely from what I have seen of The Dark Knight, I believe Heath Ledger should at the very least receive an Oscar nomination. You can see it in his eyes, he is so shockingly deep into the mindset of a psychopath...it is unreal!

In certain scenes, you can see the physical exhaustion in his pupils, drooping eyelids and all. Yet he pulls it off with the most sadistic smile I have ever seen on film. Amazing!

With Hellboy 2, Wall-E and now The Dark Knight. 2008 is shaping up to be a good year for the imaginative. Credit to IFC Blogs for the references and to Kevin Smith for being such a cool dude.

Tags:accolades, batman, dark knight, david poland, fanboys, heath ledger, hollyweird, hollywood, john darko, kevin smith, movie reviews, nomination, oscars, peter travers, richard corliss