A New Olympic Sport dedicated to Michael Phelps

Here's a little bit of weekend fun and a hint of laziness on my part to form a full blog post.

So I don't normally watch live television. I'll wait until someone tells me enough about a show so much that I'd rather watch the said program then hear my buddy go on about it again. So yeah, I was forced to watch The Office a few months ago and I have been hooked ever since.

I feel like I've been sheltered from one of the world's greatest forms of entertainment. Why didn't someone tell me earlier?

Here's a quick promo for the new season, premiering September 15th.


Fans of the show, check out Rolling Stones top 25 Office moments here and for full episodes check out http://www.nbc.com/The_Office/

To add to my already shameless Office plug, here's my all-time favorite Dwight quote.

-----

Jim: You work here, don't you want good insurance?

Dwight: Don't need it. Never been sick. Perfect immune system.

Jim: Ok, well if you've never been sick, then you don't have any antibodies.

Dwight: I don't need them. Superior genes. I'm a Schrute...and superior brain-power. Through concentration I can raise and lower my cholesterol at will.

Pam: Why would you want to raise your cholesterol?

Dwight: So I can lower it.

-----

Alright see you on Monday. I'm sure I'll have something to talk about then. Much love to The Slackmistress and Betheboy for another fun night, HAHA. What is a wenis? Well, I just found out. Please visit their websites, lovely couple. The Slack Daily - Be The Boy. If you guys are reading I had two questions that I wanted to ask but never got around to doing...

1. Why is it, when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
2. And why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

It's late...my delirium has gotten the best of me again. Also sorry for screwing up The Flintstones theme song. Hope that made someone laugh.

And thanks to my friends for coming over unexpectedly with booze then setting up a freestyle battle about another poor friends haircut.


Tags:the office, office, season 5, nbc, comedy show, steve carell, rainn wilson, dwight, television, olympics, new olympic sport, slapface, youtube, clips, slackmistress, betheboy, john darko, rap battle, freestyle, wenis, weekend, fun, random, good night

Searching For Bigfoot inc.

Listen up everybody!!!

After years of secret undercover research and multiple attempts at creating a lazer that will shoot through thick layers of fur...I have finally killed the infamous creature; better known as Bigfoot. He was lurking through my neighbor's (The Henderson's) trash can, looking for Sasquatch food, obviously.

I can only suppose that his intention were of ill nature, so without hesitation...I took the sucka down!!! When I approached him with my lazer blazer pistol, he let off an ominous roar that shook the earth, luckily I had on my Tony Hawk helmet cam to report my findings to the C.I.A.

Later research found that the monster was in an intense confused state of shock and it kind of sounded like he said "huh?" when I first discovered him.

So, ominous roar versus a confused "huh?" you decide. Go watch Strange Wilderness, a movie that ripped on my actual discoveries. My father was a cryptozoologist, he would of been proud.


Alright, you got me!!! I lied. So what? I guess someone has actually claimed to have caught Bigfoot, this might be interesting. I want to see the proof...and what's with "Searching For Bigfoot inc." I found that phrase "smack dab" in the google trends page and I thought it would be a blast to start a blog post this way. HAHA.

I'd like to think this is what Bigfoot really looks like.

Enough of our beloved and misunderstood Sasquatch friend. So, I originally intended to post somewhat of a sneak preview to the merchandise I have been designing exclusively for this website. Check out the photos below...remember, this is just a sneak preview, meaning; this is just a taste of some of the wonderful designs coming from my basement.


There ya have it, stay tuned for further updates on Bigfoot and www.johndarko.com merchandise. This is another random post sponsored by my late night delirium. You should try it.

Hope the cheap SEO tactics work. For all you unsuspecting visitors hoping for Bigfoot news, my name is John Darko and I'm a film-maker. Can you believe it? HAHA. Good night!

P.S.
For more serious conversations please see everything below...or to the right...there is a fancy tab labeled recommended reading, check it out.


Tags:searching for bigfoot inc, bigfoot, sasquatch, cryptozoology, cryptozoologist, cia, tony hawk, helmet cam, lazers, strange wilderness, steve zahn, justin long, jonah hill, john darko, random, hilarious, big-foot, discovery, pictures, urban, screenwriting, writing, google, film, review

Inspiration for new movie "Easy Money"

So a little more then three months ago, I misplaced my wallet. My social security card, driver's license, bank cards and cash are all gone. The sad thing is...I was going to help my parents with somewhat of a loan, so I was carrying around $900 cash at the time.

I don't remember exactly how my wallet journeyed into oblivion but I have a few theory's. All of which make me look like an irresponsible loon. The more obvious conclusion leads to a wallet being placed on the top of my car while I so gracefully drive off, eating a burrito.

Anyhow, the next day, I'm sitting with my pal listening to music. I remember reading an article that same morning about a man who turns in a bag of money to the cops. Apparently this guy was walking down the street minding his own when suddenly he stumbles onto a gym bag full of cash. Without hesitation the man turns the money over to authority's and Yahoo reports the story within hours of the incident. The pin point of the article was the fact that the currency was untraceable, seeing that if the guy would have kept the cash, nobody would have ever known. Talk about putting your morals to the test.

So in my new found state of enlightenment. I turn to my friend and say "Wouldn't it be great, if someone just found my shit and turned it in?" needless to say we got a kick out of the sudden irony. Suddenly my brain reacts to the thought and pushes out an idea for a new script.

"Wouldn't it be hilarious if a nice guy, just like the crazy dude on yahoo, finds a bag of cash and turns it in...but only to find that it was the biggest mistake of his life."

I'm thinking great, now all I need is a title. I swear to you folks, this is how it actually happened. My friend and I stop for a moment to gather our thoughts when suddenly I hear none other then Nick Cave singing in the background "Easy money! Easy money!" and just like that...I had a new movie to work on.

Classic case of turning a negative into a positive. If I never had lost my belongings, I wouldn't have my next movie. Just so you know, bad shit happens to me all the effing time, NO JOKE...hence the optimistic outlook.

So there's a random tidbit for you guys. Just needed to write myself to sleep. It's therapeutic that way.

Tags:optimism, people, opinions, easy money, ideas, creative, hollywood, stories, writing, screenwriting, john darko, random, blogs, life, general, nick cave, inspiration, inspirational, hollyweird

Muppets in the media

I know this is completely off topic but this made me laugh so much that I felt like sharing it with you guys. Is it me or do these celebrities look identical to their Sesame Street counter-parts?

Adrian Grenier sporting a new look for season 5 of entourage.

Adam Sandler kicking it with the Count while filming Bedtime Stories.

Last but not least. Steve Buscemi with a crawdad.*

Enjoy today's dose of complete randomness. I have to get ready for a premiere yet I'm way too lazy at the moment to even get off of my chair let alone get ready for a premiere. I hate Monday's. Example I.F.H.M.'s funny or die video.

*Crawdad - Crayfish, crawfish, crawdads, or crodgers are freshwater crustaceans resembling small lobsters, to which they are closely related. They breathe through feather-like gills and are found in bodies of water that do not freeze to the bottom; they are also mostly found in brooks and streams where there is fresh water running, and which have shelter against predators. They also sport the stupid name of Crawdad. Ten points for humor.

Tags:adam sandler, bedtime stories, adrian grenier, steve buscemi, hbo, entourage, season 5, blogs, celebrities, muppets, drunk driving, john darko, hollywood, randomness, random, lol, funny, off topic, images, pics, funny or die, video, ifhm

"FlickrMania" Part Duex

As promised...here's a handful of photos from various film sets I worked on or directed in 2007. These are just a few of many, you can see more in my Flickr set "On Set Stuff" by clicking here.

Apologies for the lack of captions, I think the pictures speak for themselves. Although I will provide a quick zinger for the first photo...if you look closely, you can see a loaded gun on top of the table. Just know, if I ever call you into my office...there might be trouble. Lol, just kidding. I'm harmless plus it's fake...or is it?

So only a few more days till "The Dark Knight" anyone excited? AND where are you seeing it? Hopefully in IMAX and in Hollywood so you can say hi when ya see me pass by.























More updates coming tomorrow. Hopefully I'll have something important to talk about. Also if you have the time check out some of the noteworthy blogs listed to the left in my blogroll.

Tags:behind the scenes, dark knight, darko, flickr, friends, hollyweird, hollywood, john darko, life times in hollyweird, personal, photography, random, update

Just sitting around cracking coconuts...

Imagine a tiny voice emanating from a spider's web as I yell salutations towards my iMac screen. Wow, that sounded like an oxymoron of the weirdest proportions. I seriously don't know why I was just thinking of Charlotte's Web.

It's strange how random stuff just pops into your mind. Especially when you're blogging, because then you're forced to write it down. Well, that's how I do it. Lol.

So tonight I'm going to rant about whatever floats on to the good ole' noggin and in real time folks! As you know, it's been a blazing hot summer (thus far) and the torture we've endured at that "maniacal tragic kingdom" which is better know as "the gas station" has been less then forgiving. I say this because not only is it fact that our economy sucks but our current crisis have seeped into the nooks and cranny's of my well-being.

I mean when you're forced to make life decisions in favor of a full tank. You know somethings up.

Literally as I'm watching my tank fill gallon by gallon, I'm looking into the future and calculating how long I can continue living on soup and crackers. The crazy part is, I've already handed over my precious Mustang for a cheaper and more eco-friendly Toyota. But still I feel like there's a hole in my tank. Lol.

It's not like I'm cruising around wasting time and clogging up road ways either. From time to time, I like to see my family in West Covina. For the gesture, I fork over about twenty bucks (give or take). Multiply that by three or four then take the remainder and multiply it once more, but this time by fifty-two and now you will see the equation of a big fat sad face! It's funny because I know some people who beg to differ, stating that evolution is in effect and how we all need to adjust ourselves to inflation, blah, blah, blah and what have you. Adjust? I swear it felt like yesterday gas was a buck cheaper and even though it might be an inevitable fact that the worst is yet to come I still feel the need to rant and roll all over this page. I'm surprised now and I will be then. Call me an optimist, better yet an idealist because I'm still hoping for better days.

Moving on : )

I just received a text message from my alluring friend DeadlyCyn suggesting that I talk about Vegans and cameras. She's pretty awesome because she lets me stand outside of her window with my glow in the dark "Kanye West" shades while she eats Boca burgers without me. Lol.

So, I don't know much about the Vegan lifestyle because I am what they refer to as a "carnivore". I know right, get with the times dude! Everywhere I go there's a Vegan restaurant or cafe packed with locals munching on tofu and crafty dishes made out of mung beans. I was even fooled once into thinking that I was eating a delicious beef burrito when it turned out to be a delicious veggie-beef burrito. I felt betrayed yet dismayed that it was so good. Lol! All in all, Vegans kick ass as long as they're not tossing molitof cocktails towards research buildings but that's a whole different topic entirely. Something that I do not even want to get into. So yeah, I might even be swayed into converting one day, my body needs it. Apologies for the stereotype.

On to cameras.

Well, I like to believe that the actual camera is fifty percent of the photo. The rest is in the craftsmanship. Ya know boring stuff like composition, framing, foreground vs. background, artificial light vs. natural, etc. If you happen to be a budding photographer then I suggest you put more focus into your art and habit rather then gear and accessories. For example...

• Pick up your camera and start shooting. Doesn't have to be a special occasion, just go out and capture nature at it's finest.
• Try manual focusing, play around with exposure settings and shutter speeds. Run the gamut!
  
• Get into photojournalism, take trips just for the sake of a decent photo.
  
• Take a lot of pictures. I have an estimate of nine-thousand edited photos in my hard drive.
• Do some favors! Know any actors, models? Help em' out in return for a good mention. You'll be surprised how fast word can travel.
• Last but not least, start a flickr account chronicling your progress. Then add me as a friend and I'll swoop in and give you the obligatory thumbs up!!!

But if we absolutely must talk about make and model, direct your browsers to http://www.dpreview.com and check out Sigma. Personal opinion, they make the best image sensors. Crystal clear! I have a variety of gear but love my Sigma sd10 the most. Also pay attention to lenses, shop around and see what brand has more to offer in that department. Google B&H photo and Calumet for the best shops in your area and please stay away from E-bay scammers.

So, I think I'm done for tonight. I feel the need for a smoke break. After I'm gonna chill out with some tea and watch Forgetting Sarah Marshall. Gotta get my Apatow fix. So this commences my instant spontaneous blog entry. This message will self destruct whenever I find the technology to make that happen.

P.S.
New Beck album "Modern Guilt" is great on the ears.

P.S.S.
An hour before I started to blog, I was sitting around with a friend cracking coconuts hence the title.

Tags:random, spontaneous blog, modern guilt, beck, forgetting sarah marshall, vegan, cameras, sigma, economy, gas prices, john darko, hollyweird, hollywood, life & times